My Defining Moment

I’ve had my life figured out. I’ve had it figured out several times. Each time, life, has made plans I hadn’t counted on.

About seven years ago, I thought I finally had it all together. Again, life intervened. I was engaged, to be married, to my soul mate, my life partner and my best friend. We had plans; lots of plans. One of those plans was for me to quit my full time job and do what I’ve wanted to do – speak, train and coach! But, then life stepped in. Ten weeks before our marriage, my darling Keefe was taken from me in an auto accident involving bad weather and black ice.

My personal life was turned upside down, as was my financial life. With a mortgage and a child in college, quitting my full time job was no longer a viable choice. I’m not generally the kind to give up. In fact, when confronted by resistance, I often dig in my heels and get quite stubborn. However, in this case, I came close, more than once, to giving up; my dream of my own career and even my dream of a happy future. Fortunately, I have friends and loved ones who didn’t see this as acceptable. With their encouragement and support, I started to see choices. There were really two main choices. I could choose to be miserable (perhaps the easy way out and many would not have blamed me). Or, I could take the gifts of a great and empowering relationship and create a life. Perhaps, it won’t be the life I’d initially planned but it can still be the life that I choose to make it. It is this choice that I have now embarked on. To do otherwise, would most of all let myself down but also it would not honor the faith and belief that my beloved Keefe, my cheerleader and partner, had in me.

Out of this insanity, came clarity, so strong, that I’ve added to my passion a need to share what I’ve discovered. There is always a choice! It may not be a first choice or the one we’d hoped for. If we believe there is no choice at all, we cease to thrive and at best, simply survive. I’ve always talked about this, with friends and with my clients. Now for the first time, I truly learned (and continue to learn) to live it. Survival, for me, is not enough. I won’t spend the rest of my life simply surviving. I intend to thrive and I intend to share that message.

This new found passion and clarity is wonderful but it doesn’t come without fears and anxieties. I’ve always had a job that gave me a steady and counted on income. I’ve always known where I was going each morning. My life was predictable. Actually, I’m tired of that predictability but I’m also nervous about the unknown. I’m less afraid than I used to be. I find myself caring less about the judgment of others. I’m sure there are those that think I’m crazy to take these risks at this point in my life – when I could wait a few years and retire, if not wealthy, then somewhat comfortably. I’ve been asked why I have the drive to make such changes now. Those judgments and questions don’t intimidate me anymore. I’ve confronted those fears but surrounding myself with Yay-sayers and avoiding Nay-sayers. I’ve been blessed to find so many women, in particular, that are willing, even anxious to be my cheerleaders when I need them. When I doubt myself, I know whom to call. I know who will help light the fires under me again. Support, from those that believe in me and encourage me, is likely my most valued asset. I am afraid of not having enough money to cover my needs as well as my wants, when the full time job is let go. I’m afraid of becoming a burden to my only child, if I don’t take care of my financial needs. To deal with this, I surround myself with people who will help me figure out how to reach my goals rather than convince me not to try. I also, confront my fears by getting moving. When I feel most anxious, I do the most work. Every step forward, even if just to send e-mails to potential contacts, gives me the desire and energy to take the next step, whatever it may be. I refuse to allow myself to sit and dwell on the ideas. Negative thoughts that are allowed to fester only become greater than their actuality. So, when I start thinking about all the things that could, maybe, someday happen, I start doing something to offset those possibilities. Lastly but perhaps most importantly, I confront my fears by looking at my choices, getting the best feedback and support and always taking responsibility for my choices. You see, when I make well thought out choices, it is freeing but it also makes me responsible for the outcome. So, I choose how to respond. I choose how to behave and I even choose how to feel about things by choosing how to interpret them. For, me life keeps coming back to the concept of choices. Today, I choose to dream and then I choose to take one step at a time to make that dream come true. And, while doing this I believe that I pay tribute not just to myself but to the man, Keefe, who was the first and the loudest adult in my life to tell me I can do anything I set my mind to do.

~By Gayle LaSalle